Monday, May 15, 2006


cleaning off my desktop I found this journal entry from last November...

Family is such an interesting topic. I have found my mind drawn out to it these last few months. Something about fall makes the idea of family run more freely in my blood.
I believe, unconditionally, that families have a right to be protected and to stay together. I believe that any family can decide to love one another and that divorce does not have to happen. I believe that I can do everything in my power and in God’s power to help my family stay together, both my current and soon-to-be family.
And yet, I sat just now having a conversation with my co-workers Caroline and Deborah. Caroline is a single mom—she and her boyfriend found out that she was pregnant and they decided to get married. The marriage didn’t last long at all since Caroline’s daughter Emma is about 18 months old and Caroline has not been married for a while, as far as I can tell. She is proud of her beautiful daughter and not ashamed of the circumstances surrounding her birth.
Deborah was adopted as a baby by a missionary couple. She was raised in Taiwan and Hong Kong. Her birth mother grew up in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Apparently she was a bit of a loose young woman. When a bit older her parents moved to Chicago and she ended up marrying the boy across the street who went and joined the Navy. While this fellow was gone, she would go back up to Green Bay and have trysts with her high school sweetheart. Thus Deborah was born.
Deborah herself married when she was in her twenties. From what I understand, her relationship with her husband was fairly platonic and they ended up adopting two Chinese children, Emily and Ben. Eventually they divorced and a short while later Deborah met Barbara, who has since become her partner. They have been together for a number of years now.
Deborah spoke of meeting her birth mother a few years ago and how she was so glad that she met her as well as very glad that she wasn’t raised by her. I commented that I felt the same way about my biological father. We both spoke to Caroline about how we felt growing up, knowing that we were adopted. I told her how I felt no lack; how my dad has never been and never will be my “step” dad, but how I was sealed to him through temple covenants, and that is the same thing as being born to him. I spoke of how grateful I was to my mom for always being so respectful of Bill, but also that she didn’t allow him to be a presence in my life. As a result I was never confused, I never needed to feel that my dad was my step dad because he wasn’t, he was my dad, my father, completely and wholly and no one else existed that could by any rights or means take that place.
It’s funny, I know that doctrinally and even logically the ideal situation is to be born into a family whole in its foundation. But I just wouldn’t change my history. And I felt joy in Deborah’s and Caroline’s stories. Life isn’t tragic—not even when we live it differently from the way that offers the greatest joy. And we can find joy in our mistakes and our struggles, the Lord allows us that. True, wickedness never was happiness. But babies are happiness. And connections are happiness. And the Lord wants our happiness. The question is only how much are we willing to accept into our lives? There is a greater amount of happiness, I believe, in being able to create children with the person you love the most in the world, sealed to him by the power of the holy priesthood.


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